Humility has been on my mind. Humility is what keeps relationships together and it’s what keeps you working hard. I’ve had a tremendous amount of pride as far back as I can remember. My earliest memory of pride happened in either ’86 or ’87. I was sitting on the stairs of our D.C. home with a tennis racket in my hands (I used to be obsessed with violin, and before my parents bought me one I would ‘play’ the tennis racket). My dad was scolding me about one thing or another, and I had a brilliant thought: if I keep my face looking toward his, but guide my eyes away, I’m not actually looking at him. I don’t have to pay attention and he’ll never know! Of course with my 3 year old mind I didn’t deduct that pupils are direct indicators of where one is looking, and of course my dad could see my every glance. I was presumably left to play my tennis racket for two more months as punishment. All that to say, from the get-go I’ve wanted to do things my way, and I’m beginning to see that my way might not end up so good.
I used to pray each night that God would give me Hollywood. Now I’m not sure I want fame and I am sure I don’t want riches, so the world can keep Hollywood. All I want to do is make movies.
Many people I know are feeling very low. I am, too. We are all trying to make it in Hollywood and single. You know that old stereotype of the show-biz guy who can’t settle down? It might be true, but I hope it’s not. Roberto Benigni has been married happily for years and won an Oscar. So it’s possible.
My roommate and I have been living in a studio with no bedrooms but lots of roaches. It’s been 14 months, but now we’re saying goodbye. Ken’s moving to Burbank and I’m moving to glorious downtown Los Angeles, two blocks from skid row and smack dab in the middle of the theater district. It’s perfect for me. I am excited for the change.
Speaking of change, I’m going to stop putting out videos every week. The reason is that I don’t care about them any more. I’ve got a new inspiration and I can’t help but focus my attention on it. It was a blast doing videos every week, and I might return to it one day. Policeman Jerry has a few more good ones in him, including an epic finale I can’t wait to shoot. There are still lots of ideas to get out, but I’ll take more time with them.
Love is tough. Even though I only dated this girl for a few months I’m still having a hard time getting over her. Maybe it’s because I want to be in a relationship. It’s tough sitting in LA traffic two hours each day with no one to go home to.
Reading the Bible really is good. I had forgotten that for about five years. But it’s been a fixture in my life for a while now, and it’s like I’m reading it with fresh eyes. It’s led to some positive changes in my life. It’s also confused the living daylights out of me. I take a special pride in admitting that parts of the Bible are incomprehensible. And that’s clearly the way it’s supposed to be. You know how God planted that tree in the garden of Eden? He didn’t have to do that. But He did. He created a perfect world with perfect creatures, but put that one little befuddlement in there. I think He did the same with His Bible. It’s a perfect book, but there are little things in there that, if we dwell on them, can lead to strife. I don’t know why God does this, I just know He does. And I kind of love Him for it.
Life is a roller coaster. I’ve never been so excited about the future, but I’ve also never cared less if I live or die. My days are filled with elevation and depression, great amounts of stress, aching loneliness, endless frustration, cynicism, but lots hope, and love. The thing that matters is that we love each other. When both Jesus and the Beatles agree on something you know it must be right. Humility and love. And if you really wanted to simplify, you could just say love.
“All you need is love.” – The Beatles
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another…” – Jesus Christ
“SOMEBODY PLEASE LOVE ME!!!!!!” – Kyle
